Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
