we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
