Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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