Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
