Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
