Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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