You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
