Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
