Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
