Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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