Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
