i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
