at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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