Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
