Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
