Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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