At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
