ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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