Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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