I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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