I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
