Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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