he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
