glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
