and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
