I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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