i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
