I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
