I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
