Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
