Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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