I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
