I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
