I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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