The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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