Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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