True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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