i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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