i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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