But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
