Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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