What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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