what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
