my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
