i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
