I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize