so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
