it hurts more in the daytime
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
