It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
