K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
