you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
