Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
