I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
