Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
