Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
