Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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