Apparently you make a good broom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
