my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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