Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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