he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
