HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
