hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
