even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
