Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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