people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
