I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
