Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
