He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
