Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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